First entry… 15th January 2014
Dearest diary, God, Me and everybody else
It’s been too long since I have written and as always I am sorry and will do my best to write regularly only this time I’m blogging it to let people read it. I have been including “everybody else” on my diary notes/books for a few years now but now it really is there or here for everybody or anybody to read.
So hello and welcome to my mind are you sure your ready to come along for the ride? I can’t promise it will all be completely open, names will be changed but if your a friend then you will know who you are and I hope you will forgive me for including you in my world wide diary but that’s what writers do and I am a writer even if it’s only my diary/blog. I will promise to be honest about my feelings and my life after all that’s what diaries are all about. They were the first “self-help book” and it really dose help, well it dose for me and it is also good to have to look back on. I will also include things like random thoughts and ideas and those things in life that make me laugh or cry and of course any poems and things that might crop up.
New years always makes us look at our lives and try our best to do things differently, better or give things up but for me I always try to do those things that I always say I am going to do and don’t and as this new year started with a new moon I thought when better than to be a new me and do all those things that need doing.
Yes, I do realise that half the month has gone but to be fair for the first week or so I was ill with a horrible bug that you really don’t want me to be honest about. Not the best start to a new year but it did give me time to think and it helped me rethink my depression, yes I deal with it everyday of my life and have done half of my life and have done my best to try and help myself but sometimes I just can’t fight it with positive affirmations, meditations, medications, or the joys of my children. Sometimes it just wins. I am seeking more help from the “well being team” whatever that is but it’s worth a try. So that’s one thing I’m doing this year. I’m going to try and del with my depression in a different way with help I hope. I have also dealt with one of my worst fears already this year. The dentist! Yes I know no one really likes the dentist but I really don’t so much so in my youth I didn’t go at all in fact my youth ran into adulthood and thus my teeth are a complete mess, what’s left of them and their aren’t many and the ones that are left cause me pain and aren’t whole. My own fault I know but I am being responsible something motherhood has taught me. I am trying to be a good example and deal with my issue and face my fear. it worked I faced it and finally got a new dentist and would you believe it she agreed with me they aren’t worth saving. So I have been referred to get them all took out under sedation. I know I shouldn’t really be happy about not having any teeth at the age of 31 but trust me when they have been slowly and painfully decaying it will be a relief to have them out. Eventually I will have less pain and that will make it easier to fight my depression too. I will just have to get used to a denture but I will be just happy to be rid of the pain. I am just praying to you God that there will be an appointment sooner than later so I can say I have done something good and so I don’t have to suffer another winter with the pain of decaying teeth and nerves. I have had enough and have done something about it so please /god help me with this one. Thank you as always!
Ok let’s review what have I got so far…Start diary/blog again-check. Go back to the dentist and try to get my teeth sorted-check. Try to deal with my depression with help-not quite yet still got to get through on the phone to the w/b team. So not quite check yet. I have also made a new years resolution to keep better contact with the few true friends I have and make new ones. Am working on it this one is definitely an on going one. Have been friendly to mum’s at school and have written letters or am writing letters to friends I don’t get to see very often and of course just to my penfriends. Yes I love writing letters and love using the post service I think the written word is so under rated and it really should be appreciated. You can’t beat going to your front door and picking up the post to find amidst the bills a brighter coloured envelope with familiar hand writing on it and the excitement of opening it and the anticipation of what is inside. Well I can’t anyway! I have also started a collection of my memories or blessings or gifts or natural wonders or laugh out loud moements. I am using one of my baby daughters milk tins and when something good happens that makes me feel that warm fuzziness inside I write it down and then put it inside the tin. It’s to help on those grey days or at the end of the year. To help you remember those times you laughed really hard and what it was actually about or the little gift someone gave you just because they truly care. It took me a while to get into the habit but now I have quite a few bits of paper in their with more than one or two good things on each page. Well some of them anyway. Already I can feel it working. I feel blessed because I am making myself more aware of those moements and I am enjoying them more while they happen as well as when I write them down to read again later. So if you take one thing from reading my diary/blog take this memory tin idea with you!
There are other things I want to do this year that are important to me are getting a house that we can move into as currently my family is living with my partners mother and it’s been about 9 months now and I have had enough. I’m lucky because she is a lovely placid helpful lady who adores our children but I need to be the woman of the house now. All I can do to help achieve this is to look on the council site every week and bid on any that come up and trust me when you want a house in a little village the chances are slim. So God I’m praying again to help with this one as always it’s in your hands. Another thing I’d like to do is go on holiday so am trying to save and am hoping The Sun’s deal will help us out here if not then we might just have to hire a caravan somewhere cause a break and time away as a family is what we all need. Have also decide to keep a promise to myself and to my fellow co-volunteers at the Norwich Beer festival and actual get involved this year with the organisation of the festival and the first meeting is next week and I am definitely going. It will give me an excuse to be in Norwich and with my family and friends and as it’s for something/one else I am more likely to keep with it. It will be good to get involved I have been volunteering there for over ten years and some would say it’s about time I pulled my finger out and I agree.
The last and most important thing is to start up my community group again. I tried the year before last but you know how it is with these things everyone is really interested until you actually do you want to get involved and put your time and money where your mouth is. We did manage a few meetings and the beginning’s or a project or two but alas I had a turn for the worse during my pregnancy and my depression hit and because I wasn’t chasing people up nothing got done and the group dispersed and no one seemed to care. I kept the funds and the contacts and some of the equipment and all of the paperwork. So I have just got to find the right people and some support. Here’s hoping that this year the committed few can stay connected and get it going long enough to achieve some of the goals then next year we can get some money to help us in theory. I haven’t stopped working on it the whole time and am committed to saving and learning all I need to know to make it work even if it takes me the rest of my life. So with any luck later this year the group will be reborn from it’s ashes into a new and working one.
Not too much to do then, lol. I hope you will all enjoy my rants, trials and tribulations as well as my achievements and successes.
One love always