The last couple of days have been all about my health and it has taken a toll on me. I had to wait in for a call yesterday from what the government or health service call “The wellbeing service” Well I was lead to believe they would be able to diagnose my mental health issues when in actual fact they only really help with low mood and anxiety. So not quite the same thing really is it? So slightly disappointed and then during the conversation with a quiet Russian woman with a strong accent. Anyway trying to get past that and answering all her rated questions about my mood and daily habits I was informed that I rate a moderate to high in depression and anxiety, duh. I knew that or I wouldn’t be requesting their help. Although all they can offer me themselves is an assisted self help course that they do over the phone and with worksheets. This rings a bell as strangely enough over the years of dealing with my depression I have done this before in different ways. So despite agreeing to do it I am not hopeful it will be any different but it helped then so it might help again and is worth a try. If it doesn’t work then I can always try counselling even if it will cost me money I don’t really have. I would love some but that £10 a session is baby milk for my daughter or nappies for both of my children for 3wks and as much as I know I need the help to get myself back on track for them as well as myself I still don’t think I can justify that money. We will have to see if this self help stuff works for me and if it doesn’t then I will have to reconsider.
On another note when I was reading in bed (add link to inspiration from a book) I got inspired by one of the characters that was a new age witch trying to encourage and inspire her friend and it also touched a nerve with me as I was yelling at the pages for her to do something and well it made me realise that I need to do more too. Yeah I know I started this blog as a new project to help myself and share with others my love, passions and creativity but I know that’s not enough. So I started with a bliss list ie: things that will give me my bliss or you could call it a goal list. Things that I want and then once you have them you do another list like a ladder for each of them and slowly work your way up to get it. So I am going to work on that. I know it will be hard with my current lack of motivation and tiredness but I have got to try and if I’m honest I think that is my problem I have been trying too hard to be a Mum and have forgotten to be me in the process and that hasn’t helped my mood. I’m happiest when I am busy and am being creative or helping people. So I need to get back to that. Small steps but slowly I am remembering and doing more to help myself.
Today was a different day as I had to got to the doctors and have my blood taken so they can test it and see if my tiredness or moods have another cause, oh and if I’m pregnant after the mistake of my former doctor. So that was hard not being able to eat or drink anything other than water this morning before having to get up and get to the next town. That is a chore it’s self to me let alone having to have the bloods taken. It hurts I don’t care what they say. Had my partner by my side and it helped. Got back home and played with the children till Esmae fell asleep then I did the same.