The first exercise was to write down a list of all the things you can remember wanting to be when you were young, no matter how far fetched. So here is that list:
Well what little girl didn’t want to be a fairy with a magic wand? I pretended to be one a lot when I was very young but that wore off and I realised I was never going to ever be a fairy it was a sad day, but still I dream of being one in my sleep, so it’s not all bad.
I loved dancing to music and used to make up routines with friends or copy the pop stars ones but never took a class. I am too insecure always have been and will only get up and dance in public once tipsy. Still love it.
As soon as I could write I wanted to be a writer of anything, everything. I just love being able to get thoughts from my head onto paper and then sharing them with others. I used to write poems and stories, even murder mysteries a lot but now my imagination isn’t quite what it used to be and poem only come to me very rarely. Although am currently writing my diary as a blog and doing book reviews as well as sharing other random thoughts. So I guess I am a writer of sorts.
I liked and respected most of my teachers and loved reading and writing so thought they had it made doing what they wanted and having respect, inspiring people. I went off it as I hit my teenage years because we didn’t really respect our teachers but then when I was in my twenties I thought I could just teach young children and actually did a course but unfortunately my depression hit and I couldn’t continue. I loved it though. As for being a Liberian I have never tried it but again thought it would be cool as you could read and review books all day or help people to get into reading and find the right book for them but only ever helped out at school.
Well I think this was one of the first things I ever achieved. Think I was a born hippie and have only given up on the sex and drugs part of hippy life, lol. I still love hippy clothes and my mind is all about free love and peace. So think I will be a hippy now and forever.
I found God when I was a teenager and without him I wouldn’t be here today due to my depression, he has saved me time and time again and when I used to go to church as a teenager I thought I could do that write sermons using the bible and my life to encourage others and I did write some. This was in my teens and then in my twenties. Having tried in two different churches to work my way up the ranks and never getting picked for the important stuff this dream kinda disappeared until this exercise. I still believe in God and would have a lot more life to use to inspire people. Maybe one day.
A fashion designer!
I spent a lot of my childhood drawing designs of clothes and believe it or not quite a few of the things that I had drawn at a later date became fashion. They were never technical but I kept it up until my mid twenties when I actually tried to follow this as a carreer but unless you have been to art school or have a degree there isn’t much you can do. I was lucky enough to get a work placement in a community theatre and there I worked with a shoemaker/fashion designer/wardrobe master and he inspired me to carry on trying. He loved my old designs and that is why I got the placement. I loved it there making costumes, fixing clothes and really learnt a lot. Without the qualifications though still couldn’t get a job doing it.
Most girls play with dolls but I had just one “Robin” he was my baby from the age of 5 till I was about 12-13 and I used to take him everywhere. When my sister had her daughter and I held her, even though she screamed the whole time I held her I knew I had to be a Mummy. It took me about 15 years after this moment to actually get my own but he was worth the wait and then a year and 9 months later my daughter I had always dreamed of arrived. So now I am a mother and have a happy family.
So that is it exercise one and two completed. I did these the first time I came across Doug’s blog and this series and wanted to do more but thought it was a good start and these gave me so much. To start with I didn’t really understand why writing this list would help me after all we change as we grow, right? While doing it though it soon made sense and then more so when I did the second one.
Just trying to remember all the things I had ever wanted to be in my life brought back lot’s of memories. Good and bad and after doing exercise two it really made me think. Out of all the things that I could actually try to be I had tried to do them in one way or another and that made me feel proud. I may not have actually achieved them entirely but I had tried. It also made me realise that actually most of these are still kinda things I want to do. There is still a yearning for me to write, teach, preach, design and make clothes and I am a hippy and a mother. So well done me. Feeling quite happy and proud so far.