This is why I have been away…

keepcarmrainbowloom

Yes the Loom craze has reached me here in Norfolk England. It has taken over my life but with a gladness as I have been struggling with my depression lately and have fallen behind with my reviews and posts and well just about everything except this crazy new addiction to making things out of loom bands. So at least in all the turmoil of my mind and feelings I am still doing something productive, even if it is just making bracelets and the like.

So here I am with this short post and just about as much as I can manage to write at the moment. To share with you my troubles and reason for not posting but also to share with you some of the things I have been making out of looms. I hope you enjoy them and I will do my best to try and make some more posts soon.

SAM_5646 SAM_5760 SAM_5761 SAM_5762 SAM_5763 SAM_5824 SAM_5828 SAM_5829 SAM_5830 SAM_5831 SAM_5832 SAM_5833 SAM_5834 SAM_5837 SAM_5864 SAM_5865

So as you can see I have been busy despite what my mind is trying to do to me and hopefully I will be able to sell these to help a good cause some time in the future but for now it is helping me not have a break down.

So to all you other loomer’s out there keep trying new designs and to all those of you that think it a silly fad. Your right but it doesn’t do any harm infact it is really helping me and others out there too I’m sure. So embrace it or just let the rest of us be.

One love and blessings to all

xXx

 

 

 

12th May 2014…A hard day

rueye1

Dear diary, God, me and everybody else,

The title doesn’t say it all but it is true it has been a hard day and there is no real reason to why it just was. I guess it is all part of depression that even when you think you have it beat you get a day like the one I have had today. There is no rhyme or reason for it – you just don’t feel quite right and no matter how hard you try to be NORMAL or productive despite how you feel you still feel like there is that familiar grey cloud hovering around you so you can’t quite experience or feel the way you should.

It was a normal Monday and we didn’t have to get up early and the children were good and didn’t cause anything out of the usual to have to deal with but I just went along in my inability to really feel or be present only doing what was necessary and not really living – if you know what I mean. The kids and I got dressed and while they were playing in our room I logged on to see what the world of facebook had to say and surprise surprise not a lot was going on so went looking elsewhere as I knew I needed a lift. So quotes is what I went hunting for and even then I only found and posted a couple on here but it did help a little. Then before the children made too much of a mess of our very chaotic bedroom we all went downstairs.

The day was turning dark and stormy outside so it would be another day that we would have to stay cooped up for.

The day pasted as days like this do with no an awful lot happening but as my training to cope lesson’s have taught me to try even harder on this difficult days to achieve something. I listened to the words I’ve read and have kept telling myself. So after my partner came back and we’d all had lunch I disappeared off upstairs to finish an important form we had to do. Although it took longer than it would have on a NORMAL me day I kept to it until I finished and it did help just like the lesson and mentor had told me it would. I didn’t quite get that feeling I would normal get of achieving something but never the less I did achieve that horrible chore and a not so horrible one. I also sent off all the tokens we have been collecting out of The Sun Newspaper just like we did for our holiday to get two free tickets to go to LEGOLAND in Winsor. My son who is nearly 3 1/2 has been crazing us ever since he knew the place existed. We can thank my lovely sister and her son’s for that, lol. So now we will be able to go at a fraction of the cost in other words we are definitely going, so long as we do get the free tickets of course. I also sent a letter to one of my penfriends and on the way I even managed a laugh or two because I took my son and as it had been raining on and off there were “Big muddy puddles” to walk, run and jump in. That is why I took him and it did help, bless him.

That is as eventful as it got until just now. I came to bed early as it has been hard work all day and I thought a little quiet time to write this and collect my thoughts before I read myself to sleep before midnight would be good and it still will be. My partner came up early and brought with him two parcels that had come in the post for me that no one noticed till he came up to bed. So I have another two books to add to my reading shelf. I know I have more than enough for one year but when you can get a bargin book you get it and you can quote me on that, lol.

Good night and god bless.

Who knows I might catch up with my reviews and finish a book instead of starting a new one. Then again I might not. Keep fighting the good fight.

If not and unlike me you haven’t got a good book to help get you to sleep take this quotes good advice.

quote3

xXx

 

 

 

A bit of a winge 1st April 2014

rueye

Dear diary, God, Me and everybody else,

Hey, it’s been too long again. I know and I have made other posts but somehow I haven’t been able to write about my life. I think it is because I have been focusing on it a lot lately so to actually write it down as it happens is a bit much and if I am completely honest and I usual am, by the time I come to bed all I want to do is read someone else’s words of fiction to help me escape and drift off to sleep. So hope that is a good enough reason.

How have I been focusing on my life but not actually writing my diary? That is a good question and you are glad I asked myself this I’m sure. It is because of the work I am doing to help or rather beat my depression. Instead of thinking about how I’m feeling which has never really helped me because I think it makes me worse I have chosen to take a different road with the help of my “Well being” person and that is to be busy. Yes I have for the last few weeks been writing down and listing activates into different categories. Then I have to rate out of 3 their difficulty and then try to do them and try to work up to the harder ones. Well I’m on week 2 as the first week I was just trying to write these down. It is a lot harder than you would think because you pretend or ignore the fact that you need to or should do all this things and just end up doing the ones you can’t get away with doing. I have noticed that these things are: whatever my children need or ask of me then of course my partner and mother in law as I love and live with them. Next I do things that help me feel good about myself or make me feel like I’m achieving something although they are only superficial. Things like reading and blogging my reviews. They help me relax and feel good but how productive is it really when I don’t do things like bath enough or make the important call and trip to the dentist. That last one is in the hardest category and so is visiting my Mums although very different they both need me to be strong mentally and both need me to plan and prepare and travel and I can only deal with that on good days. Anyway you can see how hard it can be. This is the 2nd week now where I have to try and do these activities and I am building up to going to my Mums and staying there in Norwich for a while but I have had a hiccup after what I thought was quite a good week of it last week. I had done at least one if not two of these activities a day and therefor more than what I was doing I was feeling very positive and happy with what I had achieved. Yay me!

Here comes the negative voice inside my head or the plague that is my life. Whenever I do good or make progress something out of my control happens to thwart it. I am not joking. I woke up on Saturday and was going to go into town but the pain and restless night I had was due to one of my bad teeth.(For those of you who don’t know me I barely have 16 teeth left and half of those aren’t full teeth.) One of them that is slowly dying at the root and has nerves open to the air decided to well die I guess but it came out with my face being all blown up on one side so everyone could see I was in pain and there for moaned at me telling me it’s my own fault for not going to dentist extra. I KNOW! I’m the one in pain, I KNOW! I have been trying to deal with my mental problems and physical things don’t seem so important. I am going to get all my teeth pulled out and get false ones at yes the age of 31. So let this be a lesson to you all. CLEAN YOUR TEETH, DON’T SMOKE OR DRINK COCA_COLA!

Anyway my point is I was doing so well and this ABSESS kinda changed that and spun me for a loop because lets face it even trying to grin and bear it – it hurts and taking paracetamol like smarties to help, just doesn’t quite help enough. So the weekend didn’t go as well s the week and all the moaning at me didn’t really help my mood after all BIENG TOLD WHAT TO DO, REALLY doesn’t agree with me. It’s Tuesday now and I think it has nearly gone although the pain is still there you just can’t see so much. Starting to feel ok again and guess what that plague strikes again. Oh YES! I got a phone call just today at 5.30ish from the doctor’s and they need to see me about my blood test results. Well last time they called me and told me all was ok apart from the fact I need to collect a prescription of Iron tablet’s. Of course I have been taking them and then had to have more bloods but this time I need an appointment I can’t be told over the phone. So naturally I am worried and thank goodness I got an appointment for tomorrow because I don’t think my nerves can take much longer. I’m thinking the worst and two of my nails have had the chop and suffered from my worries already. I know there isn’t much I can do about it apart from trying not to bite anymore nails and of course trying not to worry because I know it doesn’t help but even knowing it’s a waste of time I think I am just a born worrier and it is really hard to change habits of a lifetime. This is why I came to bed early and made sure I came to blog before picking up my book in hopes that you my dear God and of course myself would listen and let it all out and it would help and indeed it has a little.

Will promise to write tomorrow if only to tell you what the doctor said. Will pray of course it isn’t bad news and hopefully my book will distract me enough not to worry about it any more.

Much love

xXx